It's like putting a gun in a child's hands and hoping not to get shot..

I came back to the holy land the end of August 2018.. I came here with no clear picture of what it was going to be like.. I came knowing one thing, and that was that I couldn't stay in America for another day.. I felt suffocated and dead on the inside.. I'm 36 today. 36 years of trying tirelessly to get life "right"! To live "right", think "right", eat "right" , love "right".. While I am a BIG believer and advocate of emotional and cognitive training and spiritual strength, today I realize that none of that is truly possible without something else first.. Something I think only years of challenge and struggle can teach a person, and that is, if you allow anything outside of you, your career, your relationships, your talents, your successes or failures, your spiritual path etc.. be the measuring stick for your worthiness, your inherit worth and what you deserve , If your self love depends on how well you produce or what your customers are saying etc.. then you are walking on some dangerously thin ice..

Money, love, friends, communities, family etc.. can always fluctuate and change at any given moment.. Spending your time, your life putting your happiness and feelings of worth in someone or something else's hands is like putting a gun in a child's hands and hoping not to get shot.. Because when you do (and you will sadly) you'll be reminded

that it's a useless chase a hopeless cause..

So what should you do?? You should spend your life listening to yourself, loving your strengths as well as your deficiencies.. Give your feelings a voice, allow them to be heard (by you first and foremost) The only place to start looking for REAL love, success, happiness, fulfillment and true spirituality is inside yourself, in the places you dont like to look at, the parts you wish were not apart of you.. Lean into them, love them and accept them like you would want your spouse to, your best friend to.. Love them! Love YOU! As much as you embrace yourself for real now, that's how far you'll get in everything that matters, most importantly your selfworth, development and happiness..

As long as we continue to abandon ourselves, to escape what feels difficult and go after what feels good in the moment, to ignore the aches in our bodies and minds inorder to taste the addictive rush of success and acheivement etc.. the more we'll find ourselves coming back empty handed and most likely broken hearted and lost..

After 36 years I've learned that theres nowhere to run & nowhere to hide.. Attention to self must come first.. That work is hard and dirty and not fun.. As long as I push it off and try to replace it with fleeting feelings of fun, addictions, successes, or just being busy etc.. the louder and more demanding those feelings will get and the heavier life will feel to carry..

In my course, Breakthrough 2 we learn some hard truths about life and ourselves living this life. The main message is; your pain, your insecurities, your fears are all you, love them, thank them but act opposite to what they tell you.. Accept that they are apart of you but dont let them guide you. Look at what you dont want to look at, stop escaping yourself and blaming everyone else, love what you see in front of you even if its nasty and mean, weak, ugly, unsuccessful, unlovable etc.. Once you realize that you are the main actor and your life is the stage, the people and events are all props on your stage, put there to teach you more about yourself, to point you back in the direction of yourself then you will quickly see how everything is a blessing coming to help you, all you have to do is be open and willing enough to go to the dark places that you would rather turn a blind eye to, accept them as who you are and keep moving forward only now calmer, more present and more real.

Remember: Noone can love the whole you if you don't first! Nomatter how many fans you have loving you, wanting your attention and willing to be at any event your at, NONE of that makes any difference if your living for their approval and not your own..

© Devorah Sisso
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